At a loss

Suddenly, I don't feel like talking to you anymore. I can sense your unwillingness to talk to me in wa, exactly like how I usually talk to shitboy....feeling right so terrible now....

I've got so much to say, but I'm overwhelmed by sadness hahaha. Another time maybe.

All the best for MYCTs. :)

Feelings

Feelings are so abstract a thing. It is something one can feel but not see, something like an illusion. We can choose the type of feelings we wanna experience, but sometimes we can lose control of it. When we are overwhelmed with sadness, can we really not think about it and be happy again? Since our feelings are just illusions?

That aside, today, I am forced to stay at home. :( Wanna study with the huggables at the library but my mum just dislikes the idea of me going out every single day. But today might be the last time this June hols that I can see them! Why must u deprive me of my chance to see them?? And cos of u, I slept my whole day away and did a lot of useless stuff....I bet if I were at the library I would be much more productive.....AAARRGGGHHHH just feeling damn mad at her but yet I can't express these feelings in front of her...:(

I realised that she kinda made me lose a lot of opportunities.....in sec sch she kept emphasising on studies and i didnt rly manage to do anyth for astro and ST.....and she made me dislike HIM....etc etc. I dunno la. haiz. A few weeks ago she finally told me that actually she didn't dislike wx, but 2 years ago she kept brainwashing me, saying that he is a bad guy...and my perceptions of him changed mainly cos of that....cos I used to think that she is my Mum and whatever she says is right...Why didnt I have a mind of my own...and now I cant possibly travel 2 years back in time to tell him all these....my poor wx...

I still remember that night when he cried through the phone, disappointed that my mum dislikes him....and I couldn't say anyth cos I thought so too.That sense of sadness in his tone,,,,I could feel it.

How I wish I can tell him all these, but he is already gone. His heart...is already filled with someone else.

How I wish......oh nevermind.

Where is the love~?

The pretty bad haze these days is now a major bugbear for Singapore. As a person who does not have an aircon at home, I'm really suffering a lot with the windows and doors wide open...Hahaha

I just realised nowadays I tend to get really jealous when I see people texting or whatsapping their crushes...maybe cos I haven't been texting any crush this year...:( My life is so boring hahaha

And heard he was seen at the cck mrt station today...lol tell me for what..:/

kk bye

Numb.

Numb.

Seeing u online on fb again reminds me of the past where we used to fb chat about me bullying u, u feeling sad cos of me etc. But this time, no words are exchanged between us. It suddenly seemed so surreal, like we've never had anyth to do with each other before. Hahaha.

But nvm la, not like I wanted anyth to happen between us.

And actually....I dun have a crush. I just need smth to fill up that empty space in my heart, temporarily.

LOLs.

Lonely

Suddenly it dawned upon me that I'm a person who always looks back into the past, one who never embrace the present or even anticipate the future. I often reminisce the past, thinking about all the great memories I used to have. I really dunno how to change this bad 'habit' of mine...

Today, those memories of us unknowingly came back to me again. And the fact that all my siblings are out and I'm only left with my mum at home today, I felt kinda lonely. Sometimes I have the urge to share those unhappy feelings with her but she just doesn't understand my feelings no matter how hard she tried...and I always end up getting chided by her for being stupid and not letting go of the past. No point telling her in the end. Well, her words are true, but it is just THAT difficult for me to get him out of my life....When I miss him, I never get to see him. When my wounds have healed, he appears again. wth is this seriously...

Sometimes I do question myself if I still have feelings for him. I will give a definite no, I guess. Just that sometimes I kinda miss his company~~ I wonder if anyone else saw his cute side before hehehe. Well, I should just comfort myself by saying that I'm the first girl he loved in his life (other than his sister) and I was the first one to see the other side of him! hehehe. And of course, it is the same for him!(I hope)

I was hoping that he wouldn't be upset by his future crushes anymore...aiya jia you la okay? :D

And jia you to me too. Hope that one day I can let go of him completely~



"不要再问 谁是对的 谁是错的
谁是谁非 谁又亏欠谁了
反正错了 反正输了
反正自己 陪自己快乐


我不管 你是谁的 谁是你的 我是我的
让心跳 动次 动次 动次 动次 感觉活着

我不管 站着坐着 躺着趴着 都要快乐
让音乐 动次 动次 动次 动次 快要聋了

不管了 不想了 不等了 不要不快乐
伤心的人 别听慢歌"


《伤心的人别听慢歌 〉五月天

Well, heard that you have finally moved on and found a crush. I dunno if I should be happy or sad, jealous or ignorant, but I wish you all the best! I'm just glad and relieved that I don't feel much pain now, when I heard about the news. Congrats anyway.

It seems rather contradictory that I already have a crush too, and yet I still find it quite difficult to accept the fact that you have also found one as well. Perhaps it is because you used to be mine, and I always have this little selfish thought that you'll always be mine....oops. And a little bird told me your crush is ignoring you...What did u do to make her ignore u hahahaha. but now, u finally know how I felt back then when I was TOTALLY ignored by you, for about a year.

AARRRGGHHHH my standard of English suddenly so cui after I enter JC. tsk.

Haiz. Back to the topic, I just hope that you will be happy. Fullstop.

心里的阳光何在？

Haiz, all the GPP and homework are driving me crazy....And I'm so exhausted now...T.T SOS!!:( And this Fri is the last A Square session, which means....it will probably be the last time I can get to see him in my life....虽然时间冲淡了一切，自己也的确已经对他死心了，心里却还是很舍不得。:/ And CT is only 1 week away...and I haven't started studying at all!!!T.T AAARGHHHHH STRESS. :'( Bye.



 心脏没有那么脆弱 总还会有执着 人生不会只有收获 总难免有伤口 不要害怕生命中 不完美的角落 阳光在每个裂缝中散落“-----林俊杰《裂缝中的阳光》