Since this is my last year in BPGHS, I guess it's time to come up with a list of ppl to thank-----those who made me who I am today. First, I would like to thank all the teachers for putting in so much hard work in nurturing us and ensuring that we excel in our studies. And not to forget, spamming us with loads of tests and homework (Mr LIM!!!) and made studies such a chore. Despite that, Mr Lim came up with numerous funny and cranky mnemonics that never fail to make the whole class guffaw, and make us memorise chemistry facts effectively as well. Teachers, thanks for making learning such a joyful experience for me. (: Next, I would like to thank all those friends who supported and comforted me whenever I'm feeling down~ I guess the list will nvr end...Lemme try listing them out: YJ, Yiran, CP, MH, Dom, Jervis, Fish, Xinci etc etc...I can't seem to name them all! xD Well, thank you for ALWAYS being there for me and giving me advices when I'm in need of help! Esp ever since the wx thingy, I've clearly seen who are those who are always behind me. ;D And of course, my good friends, TT and Jas!!!:D Thanks for making my life so joyous and cheerful! <3 Ohoh, and QX, who is constantly asks me if I was okay. xD Besides, even though this is weird, given the fact that I kinda dislike him now...I wanna thank wx for 'teaching' me how to love someone. At least after the incident, I learnt how to treasure the ppl around me and be appreciative of what they have done for me. In addition, I also learnt that one shouldn't judge the other party by what the others said abt him/her. Thanks for teaching me a valuable (and painful) lesson. Oh wells. I suppose that's all for today. LOL. (:

:(

那时离开你，不是因为变心，而是因为太累了。 也许你永远都不会明白当时我为何会离开你，就让你继续以为我喜欢他吧。 但我想让你知道，我还是一样执著地，痴情地继续爱你。

感受

心里好害怕。

最近发生了很多事情，弄得我身心疲惫。现在又听我学妹说她喜欢的一位男生一直陪她回家。。而且这位男生是一位中四NPCC 学长。这令我想到他。。而且那位男生又住在我附近。。

靠。

若真的是他，我想，我真的会崩溃。。










算了。我还是放弃吧。

不知所措。

不知为什么，这几天我真的好想他。。尤其在我寂寞的时候，我会不由自主地想起他，想起以前他一直发简讯给我的时候。那时我还嫌他烦，现在他已经不在了我才开始希望当时没有把他当作理所当然。。未免已经太迟了吧。

我想QX也应该对我所说的话感到很sian了吧。唉。。。还是自己一个人承担好了。

坦白说，我宁愿上四个小时的化学课，也不想呆在家里想念他。至少我知道他在我附近，想他时也能时不时抬起头望着他。可是即使我们俩在同一个礼堂里，我觉得他却好像离我越来越远。。。

人家说时间能够冲淡一切，可是若真的这样，那人与人之间的关系会因此而淡化。也许，连陌生人都不如。难道大家所渴望的，是这样的关系吗？

过了那么长的时间了，我还依然迷失在汪洋的大海中，找不到岸。

我到底应该怎样才能彻底的忘掉他呢？








也许，我跟他真的没有缘吧。

Enlightened.

Apparently yesterday I FINALLY realised that I shouldn't be hiding from him....For the past few months, I've been trying to hide from him and go to placed which i dislike(such as the lvl 3 study corner every morning) Some of the students at the lvl 3 study corner are very rowdy...and i dun like it...And so, ytd morning, i 'plucked up my courage' and went to the 4th floor study corner which he goes every morning.

His reaction? After he saw me, he packed his stuff and left. Wtf.

Idk why is he still behaving so hostile towards me..esp after 5 months le. When will he ever get over the freaking thing?? I know that he'll probably hate me for life, but we're still classmates right? ._.

LOL.

Amazingly, today's ST outing turned out to be fun!!Hahaha...And i got to bond with some ppl whom i've nvr rly talked to before~ :D :D :D

Hehehe~

Self reflection. :/

Ever since what happened today, I began to reflect A LOT about myself.And suddenly it seems like...I suck. :/

Well, I dun really wish to talk abt that stupid incident anymore. If the guy want curse me then let him be. Not my business,HAHA. Seriously, I didn't expect him to swerve to the side. Damn embarrassing sia.

oh wells.

After a long chat with CT, I realised a lot of bad points about me. And all are pretty serious, to be exact....I'm a person who can't make decisions, I can't THINK, I have no common sense, I have no initiative, I'm too quiet, I'm so not cool, I'm not pretty,I'm rather anti-social, I only know how to study and dk anyth else. :/ Seriously. And the list can go on and on and on to no end

And now I know why i'm so apprehensive when i talk to strangers.That's because I think that I'm too ugly. No link, but i just dun want to show them my ugliness. This is a pretty serious problem eh? ><

I rly dk what i should do....it's not like i can control the way i look. And I'll NEVER go for plastic surgery, mainly cos if i do, then i'm not me anymore.Besides,I've got loads of white hair, not due to stress, but due to heriditary. I dun plan to dye my hair now cos it's unhealthy for my hair, and if i were to remind my mum about this issue again, she'll feel hurt cos she'll start blaming herself for causing this.To be frank, I've ever hated myself for being this way, but after a while, I got over it. (:

Sometimes, I just wonder why ppl have to judge others on their looks.The cool and pretty will be most welcomed; the ugly and the nerds will be left behind. Seriously, why is it so unfair?!We can't choose to be born this way...

I'm not a sporty person either, mainly cos of the way i was brought up. I was not exposed to sports since young, and as a result, I suck at pe. :/ I can't swim and I can't play any type of sports well!!I rly hate it when I can't catch the ball properly and look like a retard to the others.And i think from pri sch till now, i played bball only like....less than 50 times. FML.

And I have tried my best to change my character--------from an emo girl to a more cheerful and hyper one. But it seems so unnatural and some might think that i'm crazy. :/ I've rly tried my best...I just dun want ppl to think of me as a nerd and as an antisocial dude.

And I heard from Person A that Person B said that I'm like cherry princess...only know how to study and memorise, but dk how to think. To be frank, I was rather hurt by this comment cos i know deep down that this is true. But idk how to improve sia. I kinda grew up like that...very diff to change immediately.

Sigh...

看不见的彩虹

昨天，我班与T2有一项 StudySkills Workshop. 早知道的话，我就不应该期待太多。。原以为那天我能够趁机休息一下，把一切烦恼抛到九霄云外，可是没料到，我竟然开始吃醋！！当时的我应该看起来蛮可怕的吧。。我好像把CT给吓跑了。:X

坦白说，我没有吃过醋！而且吃醋的感觉。。真的很不好受。。。

幸好，昨晚我与QX聊了一下之后，我就觉得好多了。(:

Hehe!!=P

昨天，可能我的脑筋出了故障， 竟然允许自己默默地从远处看他。。。而且我还盯着他看了好几个小时！也许我快要疯掉了吧。。。

Uh oh. :X

算了啦。我不想管了。。。

情人节快乐！！

Hoho!今天是情人节！可惜，我没有什么情人可以陪伴我度过情人节。。。Sad life!!XO

哈哈。不晓得为什么，今天我哭了一个小时，但大哭一场之后，我的确觉得好多了。(:

今天也蛮丢脸的。。。我竟然在JM面前流泪！！那时，KL 与XC 正在合唱“那些年”。然后我就突然间想到他。。。接着，眼泪就不由自主地渗出来。-.- 啊！！！真的是羞死人了！

毕竟，今天是情人节。我开始想他也是自然的。可是，我猜他不会想我了吧。。也许他现在正在想念他的新欢。。。坦白说，我真的觉得超不爽！！但我又不能做些什么来夺回他的心，也不能向他说出我心里的感受。。。真的是所谓的“哑巴吃黄连，有苦说不出”！！

我真的很想知道他是否真的喜欢上了她！！他曾经跟我说过他没有变心，可是在这个青春期间，我们的思想并不成熟。也许，他也不知不觉地爱上她了吧。。我真的不想再胡思乱想，也不想一直以惆怅的心情过每一天。。。

谁能告诉我答案呢？

RAWR!!!

It's weird, because I can't tell if I'm mad or sad.LOL.i just realised that it rhymes!!XD

Rawr.

Dk why this morning T screamed to the lvl 4 study corner saying:" Eh WX!!Stop flirting la!!" LOL. idk who he's flirting with and idc.=P

I improved a lot right?HAH!

Missing him has become some sort of a habit.Now, I dun miss him as much le, but occasionally the feeling comes back. :/

Till now, he still ignores me COMPLETELY. wts.

Like I murdered his entire family like that. -.-

And since it has been about 4 mths le, he should have someone he likes? (: At least he won't feel sad anymore. :D like DUH. He laughed so much in class that it is beginning to sound very annoying.-.-

Lol.

RAWRRR!!!TOMORROW IS VALENTINE'S DAY AND I HAVE NO VALENTINE!!T^T

Sad life.

oh wells.nvm.Next time ba. (:

AND J IS SO FUNNY HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!XDD

Kay.gtg.bb!

Speechless me

LOLS. Dk why, but I have a rly weird feeling inside me...Suddenly I feel so lonely, perhaps cos no one texted me for a few hours le? I realised that I'm too used to ppl texting me and if no one texts me, I'll start to think of him...Weird logic, but true!XD

Hahahaha

Today we were given an EL composition to write as weekend homework....We have 3 qns to choose from:

1. Write about an incident that made you question your prejudice.
2. Write about some of the things that make you proud of your country.
3. What is your favourite time of the year? Why?

omg. After I saw the questions, I was totally speechless.

Mainly because if it were to appear in the exams, I won't even think of attempting them.

And now it's homework!!Me no inspiration!!!><

Help.Me.

hahahaha oh wells.Try luh.

Today T.T seemed so dejected...in the end it turned out that she was unhappy about something. yea.SOMETHING. ;D

kay.gtg.See ya~!

No title.

今天，我又崩溃了。

别问我为什么。我累了。

心烦。

不晓得为什么，我又开始想你了。明明已经不爱了，还会对你念念不忘。。。真是让我摸不着头脑！毕竟，思念你总比喜欢Deforestation 来得更好。我突然发现，当我开始想你的时候，连我自己也会怕！xD

这几天我正在阅读一本书，名叫“那些年，我们一起追的女孩”。这本书很受大家的欢迎，主要是因为这让他们想起以前那些美好的时光，那个让人难以忘怀的初恋！我一边读着这本书，一边思念着他。。。书里有某一些句子我本身觉得还蛮有趣的。哈哈！

我突然发现，我的疑心病又开始发作，而且这几天特别的厉害。尤其是对于他。不久前，隔壁班的一位女生来我班找一位同学，可是结果她于她开始谈起话来，而且又谈得很开心！也许我在吃醋，也是我快要疯掉了，可是，我心里真的很难受。他接近什么女生，我就以为他喜欢她。我真是幼稚，很幼稚！！

他不理我，已经快要3个月了。到现在我还是不知道他是怎么做到的。真是让我感到佩服。

算了。

这几天，我也总是觉得事事不顺心。也许是老天爷在搞恶作剧。

假期时，我一直告诉人家我很伤心，感到痛不欲生，也许是因为我以为有人会帮我转告给他我目前的心情。可惜，他们默默无言。我的感受，也因此没有传到他那里。

唉。。。何苦呢？时间是宝贵的。我还是好好的利用时间来准备O 水准会考吧。。。

我只希望老天爷会解除我心中的结。

I have a sad sad life.

LOL.I'm still rather disturbed by what happened ytd..My prediction was right after all!!Amazingly I dun have any feelings....Maybe it's because I haven't gotten over him completely, which explains why I have no reaction towards such things anymore.

Rawr.

And HE(Not deforestation, but HIM) was the one who told others what happened.And I'm shocked. He did not have any reaction even though he already knew about it.

Which meant that he rly doesn't bother about me anymore...

I've got a sad sad life indeed!!

Rly, i dun rly know what to do now....everything is so awkward. Everything happened at the wrong timing and I rly dun want to crumble again before my friends. I dun wish to shed any more tears for him. It's already more than enough. But again, reality struck me really hard this time....

Sometimes, as time passes, all the more I think that he likes her. Anyway, it's been about 3 mths already. Anything is possible.

Oh well.

I have moved on~

Aww man~ I have a chem test tmr!!and i still have to revise for geog time prac tmr!!OMG!!!

RAWR.......meow!!xDD

School today was rather mundane...nothing much happened~

AND YOU KNOW WHAT??I deactivated my facebook account!!It's such an achievement. for a facebook addict like me!!XD MUAHAHAHAHA

I know that the following is a bit no link, but I feel slightly sad today(AGAIN, as usual.-.-) I thought a lot today, some probably are crap...but oh wells. I can't control my thoughts!

Well, I just, like really JUST, realised that he had moved on already...Maybe i took so long cos i couldn't accept reality. But now, I have woke up from my nightmare...It's quite hurtful, esp when u know that he used to like you like there was no tomorrow, but apparently he doesn't even give a damn about you anymore... Some ppl say that the fact that he ignored me(totally) meant that he still bothered about me, but i doubt so....I rly can't read his mind. =(

Aiya. Why am I raking up the past again??='(

And ohoh!!There's bio tmr...and i think i'm going to be skinned alive!!I forgot to ask the teacher for the microscopy ws!!!UUUGGGHHHH.

And and...I think Rainbow favours HIM a lot...It is quite irritating to see( and hear) him talking to Rainbow like she's his super close friend when she just merely taught his sis before..I just can't take it somehow...

LOL.

I saw my sec 1 juniors today too!!^^ They're so....cute!!^^ hahaha~

And I talked to that cold-blooded animal!!xDD I just realised that i didn't text him for a SUPER long time~~~

Hehehehe

Kay.Goodbye folks!(:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PPL!!^^

Hahaha today is the 7th day of CNY~ so...it's everyone's birthday!!!hooray!!XD where's my present eh? xD

Today i'll be going to my cousin's new house...hope it'll be fun...

And u know what? i read the newspaper this morning and there was an article about blogging!They claimed that blogging helps to relieve teens' stress!!So i should blog more often~ hehehe~

I'm also starting to have bad vibes about something...I have a feeling that 'Deforestation' holds a torch for me.....disgusting animal.....but still, i'm not sure...hope that this feeling isn't true!>< if it's true then.......i rly have no idea...

Damn it.

OHOH!!Since my bio teacher said that her prof claimed that if u wanna kick a bad habit, dun do that bad habit for 21 days, I've decided not to log into fb for 21 days!!hahaha!!Anyway HE is not there anymore and fb is getting more and more boring...RAWR!

Wish me good luck in quitting my addiction! xD

hahahaha =P

sigh~And seems like a few iof my friends are starting to dislike cherry blossom cos of her suddenly sterling results....esp for SS and Lit!!And her chem....and her dishonest act to pass her chem results...I dun hate her or anyth, I'm just worried that i'll end up disliking her too. Bleah...

And for the past week i kept dreaming of her flirting with HIM...the feeling was rly unpleasant..but of course, i dun hold a grudge against her or anyth.It's just a dream after all~

Good news: I DUN LIKE HIM ANYMORE~!!!^^ but occasionally i still tend to miss him...which is not a good thing too.LOL.

I bet he doesn't think of me anymore.

oh wells.nvm.

And Happy birthday to MH!^^ hohoho~

kayy.buhbye. (:

I love you~

Hehe!!The lunar new year is in a few days time....and apparently i still dun have the new year spirit!!D: some ppl say that i'm crazy cos i'm not at all excited. xDD hahaha!!

and ohoh!!there was a nice rainbow today!!U know what?I yearned to see a rainbow ever since the Dec hols, esp after I...well...u know~ and FINALLY!!i caught a quick glimpse of it before it faded! :D

Rainbows mean a lot to me.Somehow, it just comforts me and hints me that everything will be all right~ Thank God for letting me see a rainbow!!

Somehow, I dun rly miss him anymore. In fact, I have given up on him since last Saturday, but sometimes i still tend to think of him and the times we used to share......hope that this won't happen again.....I hate that feeling.A lot.

Sigh!!i also feel demoralised cos i didn't manage to get into the team for CB Paul!!!!actually i nvr rly study.....serve me right..:/ WAHHHHHH~~!!!!

And I submitted an additional chinese essay regarding '失恋' to Rainbow....Idk what she's going to say abt it...xDDD

LOL.

Buhbye.

走吧！

因为累了，所以选择放弃。

因为太想你，所以选择忘记。

因为爱你，所以选择放你走。

也许，是我太自以为是了吧。正所谓“强摘的果子不会甜”。 即使我知道你已经不爱我，不在乎我了，我仍然还是放不下这段感情。可能是我脑子坏了吧，我已经分不出幻想和事实了。。。

人家说我痴情，人家骂我傻，可是我还是越陷越深，越不能自拔。。。

既来之则安之。随缘吧。

加油！

Pathetic me :/

I saw the hurt and hatred in your eyes when u looked at me. I really want to say that I'm sorry, but i've already said it so many times that it seems so meaningless now...I really hope that we'll be friends again, but apparently God forbids us from being friends...

And u know what?All because of you, I screwed up my CT1. Why can't u just come up to me and tell me the truth?Why do u want me to doubt and accuse you? Why won't u give me a chance to explain things to you? Suddenly, i'm besieged by a storm of conflicting emotions. Anger because I've screwed up my common test and I can't seem to forget you even though 2 long and torturous months have passed. Melancholy because I've lost my good friend and companion. Anticipation because I rly hope that God will give me another chance to make up to you and patch things up. And lastly, hurt, because u're the first one to make me cry like....so damn many times.

Idk why am I behaving like this...i'm pretty emotional nowadays and i can't seem to control it anymore. I can feel the tiny microscopic cracks beginning to take form on my solid facade...and beneath the mask lies a heart scarred to no end.

I used to tell myself and the others that I nvr liked you/I've NEVER like you. Can someone just tell me why am I feeling so hurt now....?

Everything I do, I think of you...RAWR. Irrational thoughts. LOL.

Well, i just hope that i'll forget you soon. =)

And ohoh!Today was rather epic...Cos i couldn't sign into my asknlearn account, i went to look for Mr T. to tell him abt the prob. And then he said that i forgot my password when I DIDN'T. LOL. i rmbr all my passwords very well de luh...and to prove my point, I told him that I've got another friend who couldn't sign in. When he helped me reset my password, he asked me for my friend's NRIC no./name(duh.of course i know my friend's name. =.=).And when he realised that my friend was a male, he asked if me and him were rly only FRIENDS....hmm...LOLOLOL.xDD

kayy.gtg le.bb!^^