心里的阳光何在？

Haiz, all the GPP and homework are driving me crazy....And I'm so exhausted now...T.T SOS!!:( And this Fri is the last A Square session, which means....it will probably be the last time I can get to see him in my life....虽然时间冲淡了一切，自己也的确已经对他死心了，心里却还是很舍不得。:/ And CT is only 1 week away...and I haven't started studying at all!!!T.T AAARGHHHHH STRESS. :'( Bye.



 心脏没有那么脆弱 总还会有执着 人生不会只有收获 总难免有伤口 不要害怕生命中 不完美的角落 阳光在每个裂缝中散落“-----林俊杰《裂缝中的阳光》

Since this is my last year in BPGHS, I guess it's time to come up with a list of ppl to thank-----those who made me who I am today. First, I would like to thank all the teachers for putting in so much hard work in nurturing us and ensuring that we excel in our studies. And not to forget, spamming us with loads of tests and homework (Mr LIM!!!) and made studies such a chore. Despite that, Mr Lim came up with numerous funny and cranky mnemonics that never fail to make the whole class guffaw, and make us memorise chemistry facts effectively as well. Teachers, thanks for making learning such a joyful experience for me. (: Next, I would like to thank all those friends who supported and comforted me whenever I'm feeling down~ I guess the list will nvr end...Lemme try listing them out: YJ, Yiran, CP, MH, Dom, Jervis, Fish, Xinci etc etc...I can't seem to name them all! xD Well, thank you for ALWAYS being there for me and giving me advices when I'm in need of help! Esp ever since the wx thingy, I've clearly seen who are those who are always behind me. ;D And of course, my good friends, TT and Jas!!!:D Thanks for making my life so joyous and cheerful! <3 Ohoh, and QX, who is constantly asks me if I was okay. xD Besides, even though this is weird, given the fact that I kinda dislike him now...I wanna thank wx for 'teaching' me how to love someone. At least after the incident, I learnt how to treasure the ppl around me and be appreciative of what they have done for me. In addition, I also learnt that one shouldn't judge the other party by what the others said abt him/her. Thanks for teaching me a valuable (and painful) lesson. Oh wells. I suppose that's all for today. LOL. (:

:(

那时离开你，不是因为变心，而是因为太累了。 也许你永远都不会明白当时我为何会离开你，就让你继续以为我喜欢他吧。 但我想让你知道，我还是一样执著地，痴情地继续爱你。

感受

心里好害怕。

最近发生了很多事情，弄得我身心疲惫。现在又听我学妹说她喜欢的一位男生一直陪她回家。。而且这位男生是一位中四NPCC 学长。这令我想到他。。而且那位男生又住在我附近。。

靠。

若真的是他，我想，我真的会崩溃。。










算了。我还是放弃吧。

不知所措。

不知为什么，这几天我真的好想他。。尤其在我寂寞的时候，我会不由自主地想起他，想起以前他一直发简讯给我的时候。那时我还嫌他烦，现在他已经不在了我才开始希望当时没有把他当作理所当然。。未免已经太迟了吧。

我想QX也应该对我所说的话感到很sian了吧。唉。。。还是自己一个人承担好了。

坦白说，我宁愿上四个小时的化学课，也不想呆在家里想念他。至少我知道他在我附近，想他时也能时不时抬起头望着他。可是即使我们俩在同一个礼堂里，我觉得他却好像离我越来越远。。。

人家说时间能够冲淡一切，可是若真的这样，那人与人之间的关系会因此而淡化。也许，连陌生人都不如。难道大家所渴望的，是这样的关系吗？

过了那么长的时间了，我还依然迷失在汪洋的大海中，找不到岸。

我到底应该怎样才能彻底的忘掉他呢？








也许，我跟他真的没有缘吧。

Enlightened.

Apparently yesterday I FINALLY realised that I shouldn't be hiding from him....For the past few months, I've been trying to hide from him and go to placed which i dislike(such as the lvl 3 study corner every morning) Some of the students at the lvl 3 study corner are very rowdy...and i dun like it...And so, ytd morning, i 'plucked up my courage' and went to the 4th floor study corner which he goes every morning.

His reaction? After he saw me, he packed his stuff and left. Wtf.

Idk why is he still behaving so hostile towards me..esp after 5 months le. When will he ever get over the freaking thing?? I know that he'll probably hate me for life, but we're still classmates right? ._.

LOL.

Amazingly, today's ST outing turned out to be fun!!Hahaha...And i got to bond with some ppl whom i've nvr rly talked to before~ :D :D :D

Hehehe~

Self reflection. :/

Ever since what happened today, I began to reflect A LOT about myself.And suddenly it seems like...I suck. :/

Well, I dun really wish to talk abt that stupid incident anymore. If the guy want curse me then let him be. Not my business,HAHA. Seriously, I didn't expect him to swerve to the side. Damn embarrassing sia.

oh wells.

After a long chat with CT, I realised a lot of bad points about me. And all are pretty serious, to be exact....I'm a person who can't make decisions, I can't THINK, I have no common sense, I have no initiative, I'm too quiet, I'm so not cool, I'm not pretty,I'm rather anti-social, I only know how to study and dk anyth else. :/ Seriously. And the list can go on and on and on to no end

And now I know why i'm so apprehensive when i talk to strangers.That's because I think that I'm too ugly. No link, but i just dun want to show them my ugliness. This is a pretty serious problem eh? ><

I rly dk what i should do....it's not like i can control the way i look. And I'll NEVER go for plastic surgery, mainly cos if i do, then i'm not me anymore.Besides,I've got loads of white hair, not due to stress, but due to heriditary. I dun plan to dye my hair now cos it's unhealthy for my hair, and if i were to remind my mum about this issue again, she'll feel hurt cos she'll start blaming herself for causing this.To be frank, I've ever hated myself for being this way, but after a while, I got over it. (:

Sometimes, I just wonder why ppl have to judge others on their looks.The cool and pretty will be most welcomed; the ugly and the nerds will be left behind. Seriously, why is it so unfair?!We can't choose to be born this way...

I'm not a sporty person either, mainly cos of the way i was brought up. I was not exposed to sports since young, and as a result, I suck at pe. :/ I can't swim and I can't play any type of sports well!!I rly hate it when I can't catch the ball properly and look like a retard to the others.And i think from pri sch till now, i played bball only like....less than 50 times. FML.

And I have tried my best to change my character--------from an emo girl to a more cheerful and hyper one. But it seems so unnatural and some might think that i'm crazy. :/ I've rly tried my best...I just dun want ppl to think of me as a nerd and as an antisocial dude.

And I heard from Person A that Person B said that I'm like cherry princess...only know how to study and memorise, but dk how to think. To be frank, I was rather hurt by this comment cos i know deep down that this is true. But idk how to improve sia. I kinda grew up like that...very diff to change immediately.

Sigh...